Shared Loss
by StarTraveler
Summary: Set after the upcoming season finale and my theory of something that could happen. Izzy and Simon unite in their grief of someone they both deeply cared for and had wronged.


Disclaimer: Only the fic is mine.

AN: Afraid Raphael will be killed off I'm the season finale, hoping I'm wrong but this idea popped into my head and won't leave. Unbeated.

***  
Isabelle Lightwood came into her bedroom and caught sight of her reflection in the mirror that was screwed on her door.

Her clothes were ripped in various places and bloody, but her eyes were filled with grief.

War had begun between Shadowhunters and Downworlders.

It had been the stupidity and bigotry of not just politicians, but all Shadowhunters that had led to this.

But earlier tonight she had lost someone special to her.

Raphael Santiago, leader of the New York vampire clan was dead; He died because of Jonathan Morgenstern.

It was her fault that Jonathan had even become a part of institute life to begin with.

She had been in the throes of her addiction and the monster had used her vulnerability to befriend her.

Raphael! She had damn near ruined his life and made him lose everything he had.

In order to get venom and her fix, she had forced him to drink her blood and in the process made him an addict himself.

But in the process she had fallen for him.

Even after she'd gotten clean those feelings had stayed with her and just as strongly.

It hadn't mattered he was asexual and the real him couldn't feel sexual desire, she had meant it when she told him she just wanted to be with him.

She felt so much regret using his poor sister the way she had, she had been so angry when he would no longer give her a fix.

He had such a big heart, only trying to help and she had screwed up so horribly.

She knew he felt something for her also, maybe if she had had the chance she could've kept trying to show she was changing for the better.

Maybe she could've gotten him to reconsider.

She was just glad she'd been able to apologize for her actions against Rosa; He said he accepted her apologies, but she would never truly know for sure.

Izzy ripped the clothes off her, she'd throw them in the trash later, and she jumped into her shower and tried to clean herself.

But she'd never feel clean again.

She got dressed in sweats and sat on her bed as her legs refused to support her any longer.

And then she began to cry, something she hardly ever allowed herself to do for any reason.

***  
Simon walked down the institute corridors feeling numb.

Raphael was dead.

Even worse Simon would never be able to apologize for his super shitty behavior and try to make things right.

Raphael had saved him from a sadistic Camille.

He had given Simon a home, a new family, friendship, protection, the list was endless.

But Simon had stomped on it and thrown it all away.

Because he was so fixated on Clary, who ignored him only until she needed something, and using him as a distraction to try to forget another man.

He had refused to see his stupidity and arrogance, refused to see Raphael was his friend.

Raphael had been worried because with Camille on the loose the entire clan, all Raphael had been in danger.

Of course Simon only saw himself as the victim, He knew now Raphael never had any intention of ever hurting his mother.

He just wanted Simon to help find Camille and take the search seriously.

And he had done the lowest thing by seeking out Raphael's elderly sister and used her to get Raphael's ire.

Tears slid down his face, Raphael had had every right to want him dead and Simon wished Raphael had been able to succeed.

Simon had the ability to be in daylight; Raphael had deserved it more along with the clan, and how Simon wished he'd been able to pass it on.

Raphael had been so beautiful; Simon flinched at how he'd treated Raphael after Aldertree had tortured him.

Something else that Simon of course had stupidity caused.

"I'm sorry I called you scar face, you're so beautiful."

Now Simon had nothing, He couldn't go to the hotel, the only home he had was a warehouse room.

He had forfeited so much in his stupidity.

Just then he heard a female sobbing and he saw through an open door Isabelle crying.

He knocked on her door and she looked up.

"Um... your door was open."

"He was amazing and I hurt him so much!"

"No, I did," Simon replied vehemently.

"I made him an addict!" Izzy then explained to him and Simon leaned against the doorway stunned.

"I used you to help make Raphael angry, I didn't care about your own issue Simon, in case you haven't figured out all of us Shadowhunters are bad news."

"I've noticed," Simon replied bitterly.

"But I loved him," Izzy said, "It wasn't just the addiction, I've been clean and I still felt it."

"I could've fell in love with him also, I think a part of me did fall for him, but I was always to preoccupied with Clary, I threw him, everything away!"

Somehow he ended up sitting on the bed next to her, two people grieving over someone they had wronged in so many unforgivable ways.

And yet Raphael had still always been willing to keep helping.

"Even after I knew he was asexual I still wanted to be with him, I've always loved sex, but for the first time ever not having it in a relationship felt appealing."

Izzy gave a tortured sigh, "I'll never get to know what could've happened."

Simon processed the information stunned, He had been sure at times when he was with the clan that Raphael seemed to want him.

But Raphael had never made any moves or seemed interested to, and now it made sense.

Of course Simon just had to keep thinking about and being preoccupied with Clary.

"I miss him so much Simon, what I wouldn't have given for a way to have made everything right again somehow."

"Same here," Simon whispered.

"Stay with me, I don't want to be alone."

"I'll shut the door so no one can see or get any ideas," Simon shut the door and came back to sit next to Izzy.

She nodded and he put his arm around her.

She leaned her head on his shoulder and soon began to cry harder.

Soon Simon began to cry again they held each other, grieving for someone they had both cared for in an unexpected way.

***  
AN2: Never read the books but I read somewhere that after Max had died, Izzy and Simon shared a bed just to hold each other. I have a bad feeling Raphael will die in the finale and they'll use it to draw Izzy and Simon together more. Hoping I'm wrong about Raphael cause he's one of my fav characters.


End file.
